There’s so much messaging around coupledom during Valentine’s. But how many of us are truly happily coupled, just-the-two-of-us, rom-com style? And how many more of us are in atypical romantic relationships, single, divorced, poly, aromantic… the list goes on.
At Velvet Thruster, a family run sex toy business, we realize there is so much propaganda and misinformation given about sex and relationships for the benefit of commercialism we turned to the sexperts, as usual, for some actionable, straightforward, self-love advice to get you feeling yourself and your unique situation and drown out the noise. Use the information you like and make the best choices for yourself.
Velvet Thrusters' Experts Answer Here:
Julieta Chiara, expert lifestyle, sex and kink coach gave us these responses. Julieta is a person we admire for teaching others how to find their strong independent voice and still engage in a lifetsyle of pleasure, kink and love.
- How would you advise someone newly single or single-despite-their-wishes to embrace this holiday without feeling overwhelmed with loneliness or inadequacy?
As cheesy as it may sound, love is all around you. Just because you may not have romantic love at this moment doesn't mean you can't celebrate other types: The friends, family, pets, co-workings that you love. More importantly? Celebrate yourself. If you're really feeling in the depths of not having a relationship, take yourself on a magnificent date and enjoy every moment.
- How about poly, non-monogamous, or open relationship models?
Multiple partners mean more love to spread - how can you show the partners you care about some love on this day (or any day, really). I have the habit of getting my current partners a sex toy for this day, since I know pleasure is the gift that keeps on giving.
- What's a self-pleasure ritual any individual, regardless of relationship status, can embrace on this day to affirm and validate themself?
Regardless of the day, I recommend adding in a self-pleasure hour that I call the Erotic Power Hour to your week. With my coaching clients, I have them pick 1 hour a week (or more times if they feel called) to play in the erotic by themselves. Dance naked, massage yourself, listen to sexy tunes, masturbate, take sexy photos - be in your own power, and relish in your own sexual energy.
Rachel Wright, brings this perspective to those same questions as a practicing Psychotherapist from New York City. Also, we give Rachel credit for being a master of personal communication. It's a necessity when you enjoy a full-time life in polyamorous relations.
- How would you advise someone newly single or single-despite-their-wishes to embrace this holiday without feeling overwhelmed with loneliness or inadequacy?
Embrace the holiday as a holiday of self-love and love for those in your life. Not all love needs to be romantic or sexual to be important. Also, Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday – you don’t have to celebrate if you don’t want to! But I highly recommend celebrating and embracing the holiday as a self-pleasure/self-love day and doing something nice for yourself in four of the different areas of self-care: physical, emotional, psychological, & spiritual. Regardless of your budget, you can find activities to fill up your cups. What helps you feel yummy physically? What about emotionally? Psychologically? Spiritually? And if you want to ditch the spiritual piece, just focus on your physical body, emotional mind, and psychological mind. Enjoy!
- How about poly, non-monogamous, or open relationship models?
Depending on your relationship design, you may have some logistical issues around scheduling on Valentine’s Day! Do you celebrate all together as a polycule? Separately with each person you’re dating? Only with your primary partner(s)? Is it a day for you or for your relationship – or both? I’d recommend making part of the day be about self-love and part of the day (or even that week) be about your important relationships– whatever that means for you. Make sure you’re having discussions beforehand to get clarity on how the people in your life want to celebrate this holiday. Some people care a lot about it and others couldn’t give a s***.
- What's a self-pleasure ritual any individual, regardless of relationship status, can embrace on this day to affirm and validate themself?
Start a new self-pleasure practice that you want to commit to from that day forward. That may look like trying one new sex toy every month, committing to masturbating every day or three times a week, taking a weekly Epsom salt bath, getting a massage every month, journaling – self-pleasure doesn’t have to be sexual – AND, if you’re allosexual, I recommend trying to implement some sort of solo sex practice ritual in your life. There are so many health benefits and it helps increase the relationship you have with your body and mind. It’s a win/win/win.
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